Disappointment as a gift
Looking back, I realize it took me 40 years to discover that I was stuck and that my stuckness was eating away at my soul. I looked successful, no doubt about it. I had a high powered corporate job, a relationship, a nice place to live and a fancy car. I also had a committee in my head that kept telling me that I would never amount to anything, that all of my yearning for something more was just fantasy, and that love was only for people in movies. I was, the voices insisted, after all, just a girl from the Bronx, and at some level I was convinced that a life of struggle would be mine, just like my Mom and Dad.
I managed to hold it together until, in 1992, five years short of a full pension, I was downsized into unemployment. It was if all the things the committee in my head had been saying came true at once. I was devastated and began to fall apart.
Some weeks after losing that job, I found myself standing at the mirror, tears running down my cheeks, trying to put on mascara. Somehow I understood I was at a crossroads in my life and I asked myself, "Do I sit here and blame the company, my boss and God for the situation or do I try something else?" I knew I had to move from blame to something else, because blame and victim hood was not the truth of me. I actually shouted at my negative voices,
Stop! This is not the truth of me. You are not welcome here anymore so get out of my way."
Almost immediately I heard another internal voice say, "Call Columbia University and see if they will still let you enroll in the graduate program." For you see, I had applied to the program several years earlier, been accepted but never attended. Without quite realizing it, I hadn't attended because I was afraid of failure.
This time I trusted that still small voice, called and immediately found out that my acceptance into the program would be activated if I could get to the school by noon. I did and that experience along with many others led me to see how I had become crusted over with layers of negative, erroneous thoughts, beliefs, and actions that stopped me from taking action towards what I really wanted in life - my greater good. I was living in that crusty comfort zone of limitations, convincing myself that getting that big raise was who I was and would help me change how miserable I was at work.
It's my experience that we all have both voices. The Crusty™, negative voices that keep us from really living life full out and, beneath that crust, the voice of our true selves.
Most of us don't know how to hear the voice of our true self. And even when we do hear it, we don't know how to move forward once we are gifted with a sense about our true nature and calling - our greater good. In my case, my doubt, fear, envy, and a whole range of limiting beliefs kept me stuck. I literally became crusted over. I used stories buried deep in my mind of how life had dealt me a bad hand early on when my mother died a horrific death. I lived in the shame of blame of life and didn't know it. On the outside, I was too cool to fool. I looked good and acted as if all was well. On the inside, the battle between my Crust and my greater good raged.
I had to learn how to break through that Crust just so I could hear the voice of my dreams. Then I had to learn how to take action that would move me closer to who I really am.
I believe that we all have a deep passionate desire to live life full out. My story is not any different than yours. The content is different but we are connected by our inner desire to reach higher and to strive towards the joy in life that we were meant to have. My story includes what I came to believe as a result of my mother dying when I was eight years old and being shipped from relative to relative that didn't want me. I came to believe that I would always be alone and that since no one wanted me that I was not good enough. The details of your story are likely to be quite different; so will your issues, but your issues make up your Crust just as mine made up my Crust.
Today, I know that the Crust of Limiting Beliefs can be enormous - a real stopper. I also know that my gift to others is to help them move past their Crusty thoughts, beliefs, and actions and break through to their unlimited possibilities.
Crust Busting is my way of taking the field of human potential to the streets. With Crust Busting I can reach people in a way that they can understand, without the psychological jargon or damaging diagnosis that support the idea that there is something wrong with us.
As you read this story, I know that you too must have things that you want to change in your life. You have dreams you want to manifest but have been stuck in either believing that you can't manifest them or stuck in the "Ring of Crust," which holds all of your erroneous beliefs that hold you back from living life full out. These are erroneous beliefs and are NOT THE TRUTH OF YOU! Face these thoughts with my Crust Busting techniques and let them know that "they're fired!"
My story goes on and so does my determination to knock the Crust off of all aspects of my life. There is nothing wrong with either me or you. We are and always have been whole and perfect. I love my life today and wake up each day and give thanks for the very air that I breathe. I am grateful for the challenges in my life that have led me to break through the ring of crust and set myself free.
I know that you long to be set free and experience joy, abundance, perfect health, love, community, spirituality that connects you with your source. I know this because I've been there and have committed my life to helping others get there.
Contemplate this: What if the only thing we had to do was remove our layers of crust to answer to the question "What would you do if you knew that you could not fail?"
Whether you recognize it or not, you have already joined me in answering this question. I invite you to look around the website, take one of our classes, contact me for coaching or just read the articles here on Crust and Crust Busting.
Become a Crust Buster by joining our mailing lists for inspiring messages and to find out more about my radio show. Just do it! Take charge of your life! Get rid of the myth that this has to be hard or take a life time.
Oh, by the way, I did receive my Ph.D. and am an awarding winning author and researcher. We are here waiting to support you in breaking through to your unlimited possibilities!
I look forward to hearing the Crust Buster inside you!